Once again

I started this blog years ago and every year I think I attempt to write in it and then never do, so I am going to try to write in it more often. I feel like everything that I wanted for my life has not happened yet or never materialized. I am 31 and I always thought that by now I would have a baby, own a house, have the career of my dreams. Instead, I can’t seem to get pregnant, I have no money saved to get a house, and the career of my dreams, well that veered off with rejections. At this point I feel very frustrated. I know that I have so much to be happy and thankful for in my life, but still I feel frustrated. My work sucks, my marriage is not perfect (but what marriage is) and I can’t seem to find any time to catch up on all the things I need to do. The life that I dreamt for myself just never happened, life pushes us and pulls us in different directions, most of the times to teach us a lesson. I wanted to go to school to get my PHD in art history, got rejected and I don’t if I have any more time for rejection left in me. Liked my job in marketing, then got laid off, now I am stuck in a job that is going nowhere. I want to be promoted and get a permanent position, but nothing seems to be happening, instead I am stuck being an assistant to so many people. Doing things that make no sense. I go home sometimes and I feel so disappointed in myself that I want to cry. I see other people getting opportunities, having great things happen to them, and then there is me stuck in the back. I have always felt invisible and now I feel even more invisible.