What do I do with my life?

So I am horrible at keeping up with my blog. I think I am interested in it for about a week and then I realize I am writing to nobody and nothing. I have started about 4 other blogs and I never write in them. I am coming back to this one, because I feel like I have the most connection with this one. And the appearance of it just remdinds of myself much more.

I want to know who cares about what I am saying in these blogs? Who knows but I guess that doesn’t matter. I am tired… Tired of not being able to find my way in the world. I thought I would know this and have this figured out by now. I just turned 30 this past weekend and sometimes I feel that I have nothing to show for my life. Am I just being bitter and pissed off about my life and the fact that I am completely bored with my life. I love the people, friends, family, my husband in my life, but what I get up to do every morning is completely boring and lifeless.

Is this why we go to college? It makes me think of Penelope Trunk’s blog, gosh I love that woman and her ability to not give a shit about what anyone thinks. She says our college education doesn’t guarantee crap and the fact that we all want to be happy as superficially idyllic. This is life, we have bills to pay, errands to run, toilet paper to buy, but half the time I feel like I never have enough time to do just something that I WANT to do. How can I find my way in this world? Someone tell me!

The things I want to do with my life… if I had my pick…. I’d be a healer, doctor of some sort, something where I can talk to people every day and help them. I love learning about the human body, diseases, and medicines and holistic ways of looking at them. Another thing I’d love to do is work with art everyday!!! Sheesh I would be super excited if I could do that. I want to work at Christies! How can I do this, I feel like I am not good enough for all these jobs. But why am I like this and how can I overcome it ?? If someone is listening please tell me.